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cabbage boy

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day after week after month after year..... [21 Apr 2007|12:59am]
well it's been a while since i've written in here. i guess i kind of got bored. life will also have drama and comedy. but i usually turn to livejournal when i'm lonely. i've been sort of emotionally strung out lately. i'm becoming the person i always knew i would be and yet, i seem to be losing friends instead of making them. school is hard, community council is almost a waste of time and emotion and energy (but i'm still doing it), and everything else just doesn't seem to exist. i have almost no focus. i have almost no ambition. i have goals, but they seem so far away it's hard to believe my actions are actually progressing toward them.
i just want to go out in a warm rain and take off all my clothes and roll around in the mud. at times i wish i lived on a deserted island. i think i will be more productive when i'm alone, but i'm usually not. but it's the thought that counts.
the older i get the more shy i become. i hate to improvise. i hate to make speeches. i hate most of the people i assume look down upon me.
i wish i was a sheet of music. i wish i could compose. i want to make so much magic. and yet. i know it will never happen. i try and try and try and always end up in the same place: painting everything black. i tell myself there are things i need to do and i never do them. there are things i tell myself i must never do and i do them. again and again.
why have i become so infantile in my lust for justification of my actions from others? i have become a gossiping bitch who cares only about how he looks in the eyes of others. is it a crime to want to share myself to others? please help me escape from myself.
stupid livejournal.

the end.
fork it baby.

Toledo Surprise! [24 Dec 2006|06:44pm]
[ mood | apathetic ]

So I've been pretty miserable for the past four days recovering from oral surgery. My wisdom teeth were removed and my face swelled up and I've been doped up on pain medication. I'm planing on spending a few nights in Seattle for the first week in January. Anyone want to hang out?
Oh yah, and Once again.....Collapse ) you can take it for what it's worth....

1 forked |fork it baby.

an attempt at an honest entry.... [14 Dec 2006|08:10am]
[ mood | anxious ]

so i'm sick beyond belief. why is it that whenever i come home for breaks i always get sick? i think i'm allergic to finals.
speaking of finals, they are going pretty well this quarter. i've only had minor freak outs and feel fairly confident about almost everything (i should work on being less vague). anyway, just one more test which i can't seem to sit down and study for.....i think i am officially burnt out.
i'm at such an interesting point in my life. half the time i feel like i'm getting too old and the other half i feel like i'm too young. that's probably the worst way to put it because, honestly, there is no right way to transcribe feelings into words (and we all know how awesomely literate i am) but it's been on my mind a lot so i thought i'd try and share it.
hmm, i guess the judgement time has come.....time to go statistically analyze data for two hours. things might be looking up since i'll be done with my finals in three hours, but i'll still be sick. and i also need to change the oil in my car. 2,000 miles ago.
ugh.

the end.

2 forked |fork it baby.

[10 Dec 2006|03:03pm]
[ mood | Studying ]

Ugh, I am so in love.....Collapse )

2 forked |fork it baby.

cause i always copy katt's ideas.... [07 Nov 2006|11:41am]
....and i don't have much of a lifeCollapse )
6 forked |fork it baby.

a brief history of my thoughts [03 Oct 2006|09:32pm]
[ mood | creative ]

it's funny how removed writing is from real life. in high school i was supposed to be awed by the amazing writing of 19th century authors who could put so much life and color into something as plain as ink on a page. but when it's a language that no one who reads can recognize, what good are the words on each page? who can unlock the colors of black and white? literature is one dimensional.
music is much better than literature. in music there is something speaking to you, be it piano, trombone or human. there is a guide who can tell you exactly how the notes should be interpreted. you don't need to know a language to understand the power behind the song. music is a language everyone speaks to themselves. music is an unspoken outstreached arm to someone else saying "i am here, please accept my individual voice and try to picture what i am saying to you." Literature does this too in a way, but the author is never there to audibly read you the story; if only you could hear me say this. there is a culture in subsaharan africa that uses a language mirrored in the music of their drums; there is an audible language people communicate in (in fractured, almost complete sentences) using the beats and tones of a drum.
the only thing that might trump music is dance. but i'm saving that for another day.
good night.

fork it baby.

because i'm a sucker for self-depravating humor.... [29 Sep 2006|07:34pm]
[ mood | restless ]

Kean: I need a comparison. Anything. My mind has run blank.
Peter: I like apple better than bananas.
Kean: Yes, thank you. (Writing it on the board) I like apples better than.....Ooh, you're going to make me try and spell "bananas." How about "pears" instead?
Peter: Nooo!! Gwen Stefani taught us all how to spell "bananas!" It's b-a-n-a-n-a-s!
(Dead silence. Kean writes bananas on the board.)

6 forked |fork it baby.

Probably one of my favorite stories of all time.... [28 Jul 2006|10:14pm]
Daryl: Sorry. Just having a little trouble. A little....trouble at home. A little domestic problem. Nothing....to be alarmed at. Just a little....female problem. (Vomits cherry pits) Don't pay any attention. It's a cheap trick. Anybody can do it. I taught it to them myself. Ungrateful little bitches, aren't they? I want to ask you something. You all go to church. Do you think God knew what He was doing when He created woman? No shit! I really want to know. Or do you think it was one of His minor mistakes? Like tidal waves! Earthquakes! Floods! Do you think women are like that? What's the matter? You don't think God makes mistakes? Of course He does. We all make mistakes. Of course, when we make mistakes, they call it evil. When God makes mistakes, they call it....nature. So what do you think? Women....a mistake? Or did He do it to us on purpose?! I really want to know! If it's a mistake, maybe we can do something about it! Find a cure! Invent a vaccine. Build up our immune systems. Get a little exercise. Twenty push-ups a day....and you never have to be afflicted with women, ever again!
fork it baby.

midnight madness [25 Jul 2006|05:01pm]
[ mood | artistic ]

i wish i had more friends. i still have one more week before i start my new job and it's finally striking me how lonely i am. i dont communicate with anyone. the people i want to see are not in this state. it annoys me. i don't know how to go out and meet people. part of the problem is the fact i am still 20. and the other part is that i know most of what i will find and it's not worth my time. i just dont have the energy to go picking and choosing through weirdos to find someone i can hang out with. ugh.
other than that everything is nice. the weather is nice. my body likes me. i like my body. the earth likes me. i like the earth. i am at peace. i am just lonely. the earth doesn't talk back to me. it speaks to me, and it listens to me, but it never responds to what i say.
i think i'm going to find a pot of soil and dig my hands deep into it. if only i knew how to dress as emo as i feel. someone should take me shopping.
also, i feel like a complete retard at my dance classes this summer. it's beginner/intermediate but most of it is over my head. and so ends my attempted minor in dance.
the end.

5 forked |fork it baby.

eh, you know.... [14 Jul 2006|02:43pm]
[ mood | complacent ]

It's been a while since i've posted on here. we finaly moved to poulsbo. well, the house has been signed off on and my parents are out there, but i'm still in seattle during the week. my job hasnt been going too well; i haven't been called in to work in the past two weeks. this makes me sad. i had to bail out on my trip to europe in september due to lack of finances :( I also bailed on annie. i felt bad because i've never dropped out of a show before....ever. but i also realized i wasn't really needed and there was no point in swimming through all those negative emotions for the whole summer.
but on the bright side i learned how to knit a hat. other than that my summer has been pretty quiet. i went up to bellingham last weekend which was nice. and i've been reading a wide range of novels. it's not a fantastic summer, but it's not terrible.

the end.

3 forked |fork it baby.

another boring entry about how sad my life is...... [26 Jun 2006|12:55pm]
[ mood | exhausted ]

I would rather be taking finals right now. but i'm not. instead i am working 8-5 and then rehearsing most nights until 9 or 10 and packing/moving to poulsbo in whatever free time i have. this summer is awesome.
i'm working at a small printing company in fremont and my boss turns to me friday morning and says:
my boss: "now i know this is completely arbitrary and feel free to say no.....but would you like to drive to billings, montana today?"
me: (in my head) WTF?
my boss: map quest says it will take about 11 hours but i think you could get there in 8.
me: when would i leave?
my boss: oh, in about 15 minutes....
me: umm, can i call my mom?
fortunately my roadtrip was cancelled and i stayed in seattle. well, almost. i went to a very crazy slumber party in shoreline and spent the whole night talking to a bunch of 17 year old boys about dookie and urine.
and then i packed. and then i went to rehearsal for annie and after one week i already want to quit. but i had a long hard think about pretty much everything and it makes the most sense to stay in the show. at least, for now....hahahhaa.
and now it's time to go back to cutting paper.
and maybe my wrists.
just kidding.
the end.

1 forked |fork it baby.

homgadwtfauxbbquece [15 Jun 2006|12:01pm]
[ mood | refreshed ]

things are going well. we are still packing.....ugh. but i found a job. and i'm finding a lot of time to relax. i'm not feeling ill anymore. it's finally summer.
don't really have a lot to say. except that i'm content.
the end.

1 forked |fork it baby.

life's a trap of the same old crap.... [10 Jun 2006|04:02pm]
[ mood | sick ]

so now it's summer. and i'm feeling a bit ill. my mom and i watched reefer madness last night followed by a pbs staged reading fo south pacific. i forgot how good that show could be when done professionally.
we just sold a bunch of stuff and it's weird having to put a price on things i've had my entire life.
in other news,
the end.

1 forked |fork it baby.

nice try.... [05 Jun 2006|10:25pm]
[ mood | (a)pathetic ]

so i was an idiot and messed up my cell phone and now i have to go get it replaced and i will lose all the data stored on it so i will be back to 0 friends (it's not that i ever called anyone, it's that i had the ability to call someone).
and earlier today before i screwed up my phone i sliced my thumb open. so yah, i'm a freakin genius. which is perfect timing for a realization like this since it's FINALS WEEK oh my christ things are going well.
but on an actual good note, umm, i....well you see, officer......
yah.
the end.

4 forked |fork it baby.

because i don't feel like writing my english paper.... [31 May 2006|12:37am]
[ mood | amused ]

....and i like to copy kattCollapse )

fork it baby.

this is probably the most boring livejournal update i've ever done.... [30 May 2006|10:26am]
[ mood | lazy ]

i went home thursday night. i had no class on friday so it made little sense to hang around school. my parents are kooky. but i love them.
we packed and packed stuff up on friday. my dad asked me to drive to west seattle and find this recycling place but it took forever and the people there were mean, so it made me sad. i hung out with maddie at folklife. we ran into some mountaineers and anna gave us discounted fudge. and then, later that night anna came over and we started to plan out our european vacation. i really hope it all works out.
saturday i had job interviews. not really sure how those went. we met two of the women who will be living in our house for the next year. then i went back to folklife and made a new friend. while i was out my mom tried to be a nice person and wash all my dirty clothes....but the drier broke which left me with a bunch of wet drippy clothes.
i spent sunday at the coin laundry shop drying all my clothes and as i walked back home i saw the two renters again with their friend taking pictures of our house so i let them in. i drove back to school and tried to get involved in hall council. and scrabble. went out for delicious dumplings and spent monday trying not to do homework.
so now it's tuesday and i have a book to read and a chem lab to finish and i really dont want to because it's almost summer and blah blah blah i'm just lazy, get over it.
the end.

fork it baby.

andrea: omg, were they just talking about Bjork??!? [25 May 2006|01:31am]
[ mood | rejected yeti ]

1. today was entirely too long.
2. did chem homework for too long.
3. was harrassed by bible beaters and political activists with top raman
4. i never feel like im dancing to my fullest.
5. rushed through chem home work, then ran to lab than pac.
6. i never feel like i'm acting to my fullest.
7. watched an african movie about womans rights with some super adorable children in it
8. went to another rehearsal - see 6
9. i need to be in a musical.

the end.

fork it baby.

[23 May 2006|11:13pm]
[ mood | amused ]

so i feel like i'm actually on top of everything for once. well....except for a tiny bit of chemistry, but i'll fix that tomorrow. everything is sort of calm and boring.
also, i have such an urge to be in Zanna, Don't! I want to be Tank! please, someone, put on this play and let me audition. ok, thank you.
soo....the on-campus apartments where i live were having hall council elections last weekend for next year and i was thinking of running for vice president, since i was senate VP back in high school. i had some second thought, but the resident director mailed me the application so i figured, why not? well, it turns out i was the only person who submited an application so i was asked if i wouldn't mind just running for president instead. so now i am hall council president for Birnam Wood 2006-2007. taa-daa.
2 more days until i'm home.
17 more days until i'm home for the summer.

the end.

5 forked |fork it baby.

one single ray of joy [20 May 2006|01:44am]
[ mood | blah ]

so in my vie for attention i come crawling back to livejournal in search of some insubstantial connection to another person. which is really dumb considering by the time someone reads this i will be asleep and probably in a better mood. whatever. here goes.
no matter how many times i look myself in the mirror and say life is fucked up i am still disturbed when fucked up things happen. not just to me or my friends or people i know but dont consider friends....i hate this feeling of misplaced trust. maybe not misplaced....misinterpreted? perhaps.
also, it shocks me how far out of their way people go to not make eye contact with me when walking around campus. i see someone and smile and they imeadiately turn their heads down and watch their feet. or they turn the other way and pretend to be interested in a building or a tree. what are they trying to protect? what are they trying to save?
or maybe it's just me.

3 forked |fork it baby.

waiting for the music.....to begin [18 May 2006|10:12am]
[ mood | amused ]

Yes I like Pina Coladas and getting caught in the rain. I'm not much into health food; I am into champagne. I've got to meet you by tomorrow noon and cut through all this red-tape at a bar called O'Malley's where we'll plan our escape.

2 forked |fork it baby.

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